Maura Magazine | Mutant Limes

Mutant Limes

Is it wrong to steal a whatever to feed my starving whatever? This is a philosophical query humans have often pondered. The answer, of course, is Who cares. Why should we expect an almost 14-billion-year-old entropic universe made up of unknowable dark mass to make some kind of objective sense?

Even if you think: OK, what about killing babies, isn’t that wrong? I mean, yeah, on this planet, for the most part. But the universe is a big place. Maybe there’s a distant planet where the dominant sentient lifeforms are plant-based and their version of “people” actually grow from seeds, and “babies” are some kind of virus that an alien life form littered onto the planet to crawl around picking the seeds and eating them because they’re just stupid hungry babies. In that case, shouldn’t the dominant plant-based lifeforms kill the babies before all the seeds get eaten and their species is eradicated? I kind of feel like they should, particularly if other solutions like childcare and prison are just as unaffordable and unscalable on that planet as they are on this one.

My point is: We are utterly alone in a cold dark corner of a chaotic and meaningless universe where there is absolutely no reason or objective truth.

My point is: It’s okay to drink as many Lime-A-Ritas as you want. You don’t have to feel weird about it.

Because the thing is: THEY’RE SO GOOD.

The Lime-A-Rita (or Bud Light Lime Lime-A-Rita, if you want to use the full name) (you don’t) is maybe one of history’s most wondrous and complicated beverages. [...]